Jereme Has a New Toy

So when we bought our house and were getting ready to move, Jereme and I agreed to throw away our bbq as it had been rained on and used as an ashtray and generally abused. Between the rust and the broken shelf, we agreed it wasn't worth salvaging or moving.

Which of course means we didn't have a bbq for this year. Since we have air conditioning now, it wasn't a huge deal but Jereme likes to bbq and I love to let him since it means I don't have to cook!

Anyway, since I'm going back to school (next week! eek!) and my loan disbursal would more than cover tuition, we started looking at bbq's while we were at Walmart. We were going to get a propane bbq so it would cost less money to run, but Jereme found a bbq/smoker that he really liked, so we decided to go with that one. It's pretty solidly built which is definitely good and since we have a concrete covered patio, it should last several years at the very least. So dinner tomorrow night is on Jereme! No cooking for Trin! Woo-hoo!!

Projects...Lots and Lots of Projects

So I know I've been slacking in the blogging department lately, but this time I really do have an excuse. Promise. I've been jumping from project to project and trying to keep myself busy and mind too occupied to think too much. Some days I wish I could just snap my fingers and magically get what I want.

I've had some ups and downs and some days are easier or harder than others, but I'm managing. Jereme's being wonderfully supportive and trying to help as best he can when I have a bad day or hour. But anyway, my projects...

The first one I decided to tackle with part of our tax returns. I haven't liked the color of the living room since we moved in back in October. Jereme didn't mind it but I really didn't like it. It was an odd salmon, pink color. See?

It could have been worse, but I still didn't like it and wanted to change it. So I did. Our living room was chaos for about 36 to 48 hours, but I think the end result was worth it. How about you?

It was a lot of blue and I felt like we lived in a sailboat for a while but now that everything is back in place it looks much better.

Project Number 2 was creating something to go in the little nook that, as shown in the picture, pretty much just held a mirror and the floor steamer since we moved in. Now it's useful and much more appealing to the eye:

Now we just need to stock that wine rack and get some more wine glasses, preferably ones that match. I'm contemplating putting a carafe or a decanter on the top shelf so it doesn't look as empty.

And my projects don't stop there. When I finished the living room and started getting restless, I made a trip to Bi-Mart and planted the front flowerbed so the house doesn't look empty and neglected anymore.

I like it. Speaking of flowers, does anyone know what these are? They're in our backyard and I've been trying to figure out what on earth they are.

Then after finishing that flowerbed, my new washer and dryer got here. Yay! Wanna see?

Aren't they pretty?? I absolutely love them. I've been finding every excuse in the book to do laundry. I'm washing everything. But now, I need to go eat lunch and then tackle the garden because apparently I started the seeds too soon inside because they're getting too big to stay in their little sections in the planter and I need to get them in the ground before they start to suffocate each other. They're all growing really well though which is good. I'll post some pictures of my pretty garden when I'm done :)

The Countdown Begins!

So last week our dryer died. Completely. I started the washer and dryer and walked away, came back an hour later and the washer was done but the clothes in the dryer were still wet. No biggie, the dryer's been known to act up and I've learned to deal with it. Set the timer, press start...nothing happens. Press it again...nothing. Open and close the door, reset the timer, try again...still nothing. At this point, I was pissed. It was late, my clothes for work were in the dryer and it refused to start! Jereme came to check on me due to the slamming and yelling coming from the back of the house and made me walk away to calm down. He spent about thirty minutes trying to make the dryer work with no luck. He eventually gave up and unplugged it.

Then the "conversation" began. Do we cave and buy a new dryer? Can we afford a new dryer? Do we try to find a laundromat to use? Am I willing to use a laundromat until we can afford a dryer? Not really. Then we actually looked...the nearest laundromat is in Corvallis. Not okay.

So we ordered a new washer and dryer. I like them. A lot. Here's the washer and here's the dryer.

Of course, after ordering the washer and dryer, we plugged the dryer in and pressed "Start" to see what would happen and lo and behold -- it started. Of course. After I strung ribbon across the living room to use as a clothesline (we don't own any rope).

The good news is that at least we have a working dryer until the new appliances get here. Well, semi-working. It's latest thing is either never stopping (the timer is broken now) and/or not drying at the right temperature so it takes two or more hours to dry a load of laundry. But I'm dealing. There's a light at the end of the tunnel. Thank God.

So...EIGHT days to delivery!! Woo-hoo!!!!!

Too Much Information - Not Enough Calm

So, although I'm relatively sure no one really wants to know what's going through my head lately, I'm going to share anyway because I've been trying to keep my head up for weeks now and right now is one of those times that I'm just trying to get through the next hour...or five minutes. I'll take either.

I've been having a hard time lately. Things seemed fine and a few people I know found out about pregnancies, but it wasn't a big deal for me. I was excited for them and looking forward to my turn and life was ok. I wasn't flipping out about it or crazy jealous, I was just happy for them and continued on with my life without too much of an issue. Then this month hit.

I fell like I've run into a brick wall. About six times. As hard as I tried not to get my hopes up, I did. Me, the girl who has never had an issue with her reproductive system (tmi I know) was three weeks late. Three WEEKS. And all the doctor would do was continue to have me come in once a week for a urine test. All of which were negative. Oh, and tell me that with my symptoms (nausea, vomiting, headaches, fatigue and heartburn), if I was indeed not pregnant then usually they would look for ovarian cancer but that I'm apparently too young for ovarian cancer. So apparently cancer has an age limit now?! I really like my doctor normally, but with this fiasco...I don't know. I'm still nauseous, dizzy at certain times and fatigued but I don't know what to do. Should I try to find an OB/GYN? I'm going to need one eventually but it's $40.00 a visit. Plus whatever insurance refuses to pay on whatever tests are run, if any.

Then through all of this...a girl in my department at work is apparently five months pregnant, an old friend just had her baby and is speaking to me now so I hear about him on a regular basis, another friend of mine just found out she's seven months pregnant...it feels like I'm surrounded by pregnant women. And it's so hard. Here I am, terrified that something is wrong. Something that could cost me my hopes for ever having children of my own (without paying a fortune for fertility treatments). Yet seemingly every time I turn around, someone else is pregnant. Most of them are unmarried, unemployed or with a dead-end job, and on birth control. How is this fair?! I know it's only been four months, almost five now, but after everything that happened this month...I'm barely holding on.

Now, to try to distract myself and lower my stress level, I'm jumping from project to project and just trying to get through whatever period of time I can handle at once, be it 24 hours or 24 seconds. Right now is one of those 24 second times...

What's worse is I've now drained the budget I had set aside for projects so I'm trying to find project that keep me physically and mentally busy without costing anything. Rather difficult when so far all I've come up with is painting, decorating the house (finally), and establishing my garden. Even scrapbooking isn't keeping my mind occupied.

I'm at a loss. And no one really knows how to help me. I don't even know how to help me. I keep being told one of two things: 1. "Everything's fine. Your turn is coming. Maybe this month is the month." or 2. "Maybe this is just a sign you aren't fully ready yet. If you're stressed about money and everything now, then maybe you should take a break and stop trying to get pregnant for a while." Neither of these two lines of advice are helpful or in any way encouraging. I appreciate the thought but in this frame of mind, those things are the last things I need or want to hear.

Thank God for Jereme. Through all of this and all of my psychosis, he's been following my lead and doing what he can - even if it's just holding me while I sob...again.